Don't take me to a bar with you

1. 
   in mid may we traveled to wv to attend j's sister's graduation from nursing school. with smith in tow, we made the 9 hour trek to parkersburg and settled in for a weekend of graduation festivities. after the usual graduation dinner, a group of us went out on the town for some libations, karaoke (i bailed on this event), and good times. living in the middle of nowhere ny made this outing all the more fun . . . after many beers, we found ourself at the fine establishment known only as club 47. i should have known something was amiss when we sat down and noticed a mirrored wall that stated in gold lettering: pole dance at own risk yes, tis true. we took a photo to prove it . . .just waiting for c (j's sister) to send it our way. anyway, aside from the lone gold pole situated in the corner, club 47 was your average karaoke, rough neck, type of bar. feeling buzzed and generous, i go to the bar and ask for some more beer and shots for the table (some red bull concoction with vodka that was recommended to me by a fellow graduate). this, my friends, is where the fun ended.
   
   
   awaiting me at the bar was jesus. yes, jesus. only this jesus was tending bar, high as a kite on what appeared to be crustal meth given his nasty and un-jesus like temperment. when i placed my order, jesus snarled at me and said: "give me your id". when i showed him my beer that i ordered from the bar just a few minutes ago (as drunken proof that i had already passed the id test and been served), he accused me of sneaking the beer in and trying to gegt his establishment closed down!!! NO SHIT. Meanwhile, while my ass is being chewed out for crimes I did not commit, J and others are having a fine time bantering with this guy . . . he's serving them, but NOT me. Finally, he gives me my order and I leave it at that.
   
   Although shaken up by this total asshole, I find myself distracted by a song I've never ever heard before (and god willing, won't ever have to hear again):Cadillac Pussy. Yep. Again, all this is happening in the same night. Perhaps this is not the song title, but it sure as hell was the refrain, and seated in front of the gold pole, we witnessed a woman show off her supposed c.p. Time for another shot. As I approach meth head with some trepidation, I order a shot, a beer, and a diet coke for c. instead of a diet coke, he gives me a jack and coke. i explain that i never ordered a jack and coke and he FREAKS out on me and threatens to kick me out of the bar. yes, friends, it is not good when jesus turns on you.
   
   in the midst of this turmoil, i'm also having a conversation with a guy named cletus (clee-tus) who performed some metallica songs on stage. cletus was a nice enough guy, though a bit odd, who had a classic t-shirt that read: save a tree, eat a beaver. or something along those lines . . . i was trying to buy it off of him, but was quickly reprimanded by my girl. anyways, i have many photos to prove this adventure took place. i'll post as soon as they arrive . . .